This period of physical distancing has been a very interesting time, one that has brought me to the point of wanting to become a better friend to myself. The ample amount of alone time coupled with healing a broken heart is what brought me to this place of really wanting to be there for myself on a deeper level than I had ever been before. I knew that I still had some parts of myself to befriend because there were still feelings of not being enough showing up for me. I decided that it’s time to be what I want from the relationship I keep hoping i’ve found, be the presence I seek in a partner, be committed to my relationship with myself as much as I would love for my future partner to be committed to our relationship, be vulnerable, real, honest, and loving toward myself like I want in a partnership. If I cannot give this to myself, then why would I expect someone to show up like this for me? It is clear that this has to come from me first, if I want that quality of relationship in my life.
‘‘The version of love you long for the most, lives within you. You are fully capable of providing the type of love you’ve always wanted. The type of love you deserve exists inside you and the trick is learning how to give that love to yourself. Self love is real love.”
I honestly thought I my relationship with myself was pretty solid. I eat healthy food, I give my body exercise, yoga, rest, time in nature, I meditate, I do my inner work. I honestly thought I had a fantastic relationship with myself. This feeling of not good enough that came to the surface from my broken heart really showed me that I still had some healing to in this department. I ended up signing up for a 2 hour workshop on self-love with a movement teacher in Montreal, Mel Sirois from Inner Fire Dance, the timing was absolutely perfect! In this workshop we did mirror work, we took the time to look at our self in the mirror, breathe deeply, hold eye contact, and speak loving words to our selves. This was so powerful for me, I finally felt like I saw myself deeply, and was present with myself in a way that I hadn’t been in a long time or maybe even ever. This exercise brought me to a huge realization – that over the past 15 years I had dedicated so much time in building my relationship to myself on a spiritual level, connecting to that expansive, non-physical part of myself (soul, inner-being, higher-self, whatever you like to call it!) but I had never taken the time to fully loving and solid in my relationship with the human part of myself, the part that’s sometimes messy, emotional, the part that I often judge as not perfect enough! I had not been building a healthy relationship with my ego, and physical self, I was hoping that this would happen as a by-product of building a healthy and solid relationship to my higher-self. This simple exercise has really been the catalyst for building my relationship to my physical self, and i’m so happy to be on this next chapter of my journey in self-love.
”You have been criticizing yourself for years, and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.”
-Louise L. Hay